Thank you, Kobe.

This has always been my issue. My rawest emotions are in Telugu, which I can’t write in. English still seems foreign despite calling America home these past 20 years. Every time I begin to express my thoughts in English, I really do just struggle with choosing the right words. Especially today. This sounds crazy, but I just do not know which of my emotions are genuine and which are forced thoughts from the social media I’ve consumed these past 12 hours. But ever since I heard about Kobe’s accident (which I still just cannot get myself to believe), my heart has been pounding hard. Last night, I couldn’t control my tears as I was sitting alone in my Zurich apartment watching the few live news streams I could find on YouTube along with other celebrities’ posts on his death. All of my Instagram friends were reposting or sharing stories of his death as if no one else had heard the news – which made it worse. Way worse. And, I didn’t have a distraction.

I was never a hardcore Lakers fan, but I do remember watching the team play with my dad, who loves the Lakers and Heat NBA games. I knew two players then – Kobe and Shaq. The fiery attitude they had shown for a sport that they were absolutely passionate about was alluring. Perhaps, that attitude was why I began to adore Kohli and Djokovic. Years passed and next I saw Kobe representing America in the Olympics with the other top basketball players. To be honest, I couldn’t really distinguish who was who when the anthem was playing as they were bestowed with their Gold medals. But I knew Kobe, KD, and Lebron were in it to win it.

Again years passed without me focusing on Kobe’s games too much until 2015 struck. “Dear Basketball” was published, and I was in awe. I hadn’t known what all Kobe had gone through physically, emotionally, and mentally. But one thing was clear – the man had accomplished more than any other basketball player in my lifetime. No, I wasn’t one of his diehard fans, but when I heard “Mamba Out” during his last game in Spring 2016, I was so emotional and speechless. I am not sure how to express it in words, but it was the same feeling when Dhoni stepped down from captaincy and announced his retirement from test matches. It truly felt like an end of an era. Years pass again without me giving Kobe much attention as my social media focused more on LeBron and Curry. I’d read about his Grammy award and how his daughters were taking up the sport. But nothing more. I knew somewhere Kobe was raising his family and having an amazing second chapter.

But that news of his tragic death alongside his teenage daughter last night tore me. Shook me. It made me realize (once again) that life is too damn unpredictable and short. It is never about just me. It is my family that I owe everything to. They are the ones I should be grateful to. But I’ve been doing everything but that these past few years. Why did I think that was OK? Why did I think drifting away from them and disobeying all the values they’d instilled in me was OK? Why did I think I was better than them? Kobe, thank you for bringing me back down to where I needed to be from the beginning, for helping me understand that life is too damn short, and for motivating me to be more active in showing my love for my family and those around me. No one or nothing means more to me.

And with that, rest in peace legend. Take care of your daughter up there. The world will continue to remember your legacy and support your family to get through during this tough time. You have been and will always be admired.

Image Credits

Egg Fried Rice + Chicken 65

Here’s to recreating my mom’s classic dishes but with a little twist 🙂

Egg Fried Rice – Serves 4

Ingredients:

• 1 chopped large white onion
• 1 cut long serrano pepper
• Ginger-garlic paste (quarter-sized ginger + 5 garlic cloves)
• Mixed Vegetables (carrots, peas, corn, beans, potatoes)
• Well-cooked scrambled eggs (5 eggs + salt + ground black pepper)
• 1 cup of cooked and salted basmati rice

Process:

1. Add 2 spoons of oil to a pan and add onions once oil is heated.
2. Once onions are transparent, add the green peppers and the ginger garlic paste. Mix well.
3. Add half a spoon of turmeric + one spoon of cayenne pepper powder + salt.
4. Once the raw smell disappears, add the mixed vegetables and mix well.
5. Let it cook for 5-10 minutes, so the masala cooks well with vegetables.
6. Add soy sauce (up to your discretion) and mix well.
7. Add the cooked scrambled eggs.
8. Stir well and ensure that the masala cooks with the eggs.
9. Once the mixture is well-cooked, add the already cooked basmati rice and mix well.
10. Let everything simmer in medium heat for 5 minutes.
11. Add cilantro for garnish and prepare the plates! 🙂

Chicken 65 – Serves 4

Ingredients:

• 2 Chicken Breasts
• Aachi Chicken 65 Masala Powder
• Plain Yogurt
• Lemon Juice

Process:

1. Wash the chicken breasts well and cut them into mini cubes.
2. Add that to a bowl along with 2-3 spoons of masala powder (depending on how spicy you want it) + 3 big spoons of plain yogurt + 1 spoon of lemon juice + a pinch of salt.
3. Mix well and let this marinate for at least an hour.
4. Deep fry this batter and garnish with cilantro and freshly squeezed lemon juice.
5. Serve hot with a side of raita to balance out the spiciness and flavors with the Egg Fried Rice.

Goodbye Friend.

No, she is not a delicate flower or an intricate piece of glasswork that will get shattered or crushed so easily.

No, she will not continue to yearn for him after he bails on her.

Yet, no she is not completely immalleable either.

We all get influenced by others’ words (even worse — misleading verbal promises) and actions. Sometimes, it is just easier to let him go from your life rather than hold onto that friendship to make it work. It’s just not worth your effort and time.

So here it goes, my ex-friend.

To the guy who didn’t come down one set of stairs to talk to her in person especially when she asked to talk to him in person. The one time she said she needed him during her sad phase, he wasn’t by his side. Goodbye.

To the guy who has the worst mood swings and when confronted by them, turns the table on her and blames her for overthinking. Yes, he has a great sense of humor. And no, she doesn’t expect him to be peppy all the time. But, a single hello wouldn’t hurt during the car rides to work. Goodbye.

To the guy who treats her in such a fickle manner and she starts doubting how to behave with him and starts changing herself for him. Goodbye.

To the guy who was so much fun to be around with the first couple of months and brought so much positivity but now is the primary source of negativity and makes her overthink about unnecessary issues. Goodbye.

To the guy who never was on his phone when he was with her but now constantly on his phone. Goodbye.

To the guy who was definitely interested in her but now goes to her about another girl and tells her to not to be present every time the group of three hangs out. After all, it’s only the three of them in a new state away from their support system. And, he knows that. What can this girl do now? She’s used to it. Give her some time. But now, a complete goodbye.

To the guy who told her directly that he loved intelligent, passionate, career, and goal-oriented women like herself and said “that turns me on,” but goes for a girl with zero flame instead. Why? Was she too loud or “extra” for him? After all, he would only resort to the norm. So much for wanting to never conform to society and saying he’d be a stay at home dad for her career and goals if need be. Goodbye.

To the guy who talked about his family, showed her pictures of his entire life before they met, and initiated non-work related hang outs outside work to talk about society and life, but now only talks to her about work. Goodbye.

To the guy who lacks the passion to make a mark in society when she first saw in him the first time they met. Goodbye.

To the guy who spends unnecessary money on things but says he’s under a tight budget when she is planning a fun adventure for them. That definitely let her know of his priorities. Goodbye.

To the guy who asked to room with her in her future European adventures, made long eye contact with her even in a large group setting, visited her whenever he could at work, intrigued by things she said, remembered everything she said and did, and tried to dance on her multiple times at parties, but then called her his “co-worker” or sister when asked about their friendship. A major goodbye.

No, she didn’t want him to be her boyfriend. She was delighted to have a new best friend so soon in her new chapter of her life. Yes, she admired him more than a normal friend, but that was out of respect. Maybe it could have blossomed into love much (and seriously much) later on, but it was definitely not to get with him. After hanging out all the time to minimal interactions when it’s just the two of them makes a huge impact in her life.

Thank you Mr. X for showing her to never confide in anyone that quickly. Thank you Mr. X for giving her the initial fun interactions and positivity, but thank God she didn’t stick to the other side of you that now seems to be the permanent side when you are with her. She’s not sure what she did to make this happen, but man, she’d like to know to reverse this whole thing. There’s only so much she can hold onto before giving up with you. But, she is for sure done for now.

She tried giving you her best, and it wasn’t enough. But she’s fine with it now.

And, ultimately, thank you for giving her so much alone time back that now she is inspired to get back to blogging and to express her whirlpool of emotions through these very words. ❤

(As the reader, you may see many hypocrisies in my thinking in this piece, and I am very well aware of that. Just wanted to fully express my emotions rather than finding logic with them.)

Snapshots of Irresistible Food // Part 1

Gordon Biersch

Masti

Tin Drum

Goodbye College.

I feel like I have said “these past four years went by so quickly” close to a million times within the past few weeks, but honestly there are no other words to describe how insanely fast my college chapter has flown by. The people I met, the ones who stayed, the ones I did not get to keep, and even the ones that came back in the end to finish what they started.

My college has had such a huge impact on my life. This is the place that made me lose sleep, but it is also the place that became home. Some are good memories, and some are ones I probably wish never happened. Regardless of what has happened to me here, I will always love this place.

My college is where I met amazing people from all walks of life; all the stories I heard and the things they taught me. This is where roommates became best friends, and friends became family. This is the place where I have fallen in love at one point — either with my future goals or simply with my daily life here. This is the place where I slowly figured out what I want to do in life and to be accepting of change. After all, we are forever discovering ourselves. This is the place that showed me what I am capable of. This is the place that showed all of us a world outside of our hometowns — no matter how big or small they might be. This is the place that has become my home.

While I will miss the late night studying (more like cramming) and running to an early morning class, the hardest part might not be leaving this place or the academics, but leaving the people. My friends were there when I missed my family. My friends were there when I was going through a helluva stressful week. My friends were also there on the good days, celebrating small accomplishments, like doing well on a presentation, or the big accomplishments.

There are three primary organizations and the people I met through that who have made a positive mark on my life here on campus. I was really nervous about the thought of joining new organizations on campus and making my mark. All three of these organizations and the people have pushed me to achieve feats that I, four years ago, never thought I could possibly do. I’m eternally grateful to have met these people who convey new ideas and an open-mind. I’m grateful to have met these people who are patient and kind. I’m lucky to have grown with such genuine people. It’s hard to find those who truly mean what they say, but I was lucky to find them.

We’re all so different in personalities, majors, goals, and aspirations, but at the same time we are all so similar. We all have rough days. We all sing at the top of our lungs to throwback songs — even if my friends and I don’t harmonize one bit. We all miss our families — love you dad and ma. And, we all have disagreements — but there are no judgments abound. We’re all different but in the best way possible.

These last few months have been extremely busy. It feels like life is running on an hourglass. The anxiety has been real — trying to get in all the good memories, creating as many as you can before it is all over, and trying to do the things you have been wanting to do since freshmen year. I wish this did not have to end. I wish we all did not have to go our own separate ways. I wish I could just take all of my favorite people and places to my next chapter, but life moves on.

Once I get into my car Sunday afternoon and start to drive away, the final chapter of the life I made for four years will be closing. I will leave this place but I know I will always have the memories and photos to look back on, smiling to myself as I think of these days. But for now, before we leave, I wish I could slow down time, just to savor and cherish every last second before the last grain of sand falls and this chapter closes completely.

Written May 2, 2017 before my Bachelor’s Commencement on Saturday, May 6, 2017.

New Year, Better Me

The New Year means reflections like never before.

While I understand making resolutions doesn’t have to only happen on New Year’s, there is that extra motivational push to do so when others around you are reflecting during the same time. By having so much free time this winter break to reflect, the new year is my chance to sit down and prepare a list of important actionable lifestyle changes I want to make.

In the past, I have always made a list of things I want to change in my life every new year. When I think about them now, I realize how materialistic those goals have been. I particularly remember 2012’s one where I wanted to do anything I can to get into a prestigious Ivy League and 2014’s one where I wanted that 4.0 next semester. Yes – these resolutions motivated me to do well, but I realize now how narrow-minded these resolutions were. Ivy Leagues. 4.0s. I was missing the point of life. I was not understanding the importance of happiness, positivity, and peace. It was always a rush to succeed and never about enjoying the process.

Not sure what has been so different about me when thinking about this year’s resolutions (maybe I’m just feeling 22 haha), but when I began jotting my goals, I realized it could very easily be summarized as leading a happy life. There was no specific achievement I wanted. Rather, it was to enjoy every day of my life. Maybe this is the after-effect of close family friends’ untimely deaths. Or maybe this is the senior college student nostalgia kicking in already. Or maybe this is just me being more aware of society around me. Regardless, I am beginning to see the world and my role here in a different light.

My resolutions may seem vague to many reading this, but to me, this is exactly how I want them to be. We have all been taught to make SMART goals with the S standing for specific. As you’ll see, my resolutions are not specific whatsoever. Rather, they’re just how I want to lead life this year and for years to follow. I believe these resolutions are the door to happiness and eventually, my perseverance to make my mark in society.

Read More.

The last physical book I read was probably over four years ago. I still read the news, but that’s not really the same. I always blamed lack of time for this, but this year I really want to start reading more. With the endless amount of perspectives and lives we can read about, books can give us an opportunity to have experiences that we haven’t had the opportunity to and still allow us to learn the life skills they entail. Through reading more, I hope to discover more about myself.

Live More [Fully].

Yup, you read that right. Live more. I want to live my life more fully. I will pursue to live every day on a fresh new start. I do not want to be and will not be held back by what happened yesterday, the day before, the week before, the year before, and so on. This also means to be true to who I really am. Unintentionally, we all try to be someone we are not to impress someone or want everyone to like us. While I made this change last year, I really want to continue this as it has made me a more confident and independent person. I’d rather be an original version of myself than an exact duplicate of someone else. And, the third change I want to bring about is to stop complaining. I never understood how I much I complain until a friend recently pointed out. Call it venting, b****ing, or whatever, but I tend to do this during stressful times, and I need to turn it down a notch. While it is important to share your feelings with close friends, over-complaining or criticizing brings them down too even if they don’t express it. So 2017, get ready for the more positive me!

Breathe More [Fresh Air].

This past year, I have been indoors way too much. Classes, meetings, meals, and assignments are all inside. I want to explore more Atlanta spots and take my reading, studying, and chilling there. I spend way too much time in my apartment and have always wanted to go outside to work on things, but I was never proactive. With my Fridays off this semester, I will have a great opportunity to explore the city I have spent practically my entire life in. Not only that, fresh air busts stress and increases happiness. Research shows that spending time in fresh air increases energy in 90 percent of people. This seems like a good resolution to me. 🙂

Give More [to Society].

In five months, I will have received my undergraduate degree from one of the most prestigious institutions in the nation. Why was it that I worked so hard to get this degree? It is honestly more the process and the four years of learning that has shaped me to be who I am now. Taking those fun courses that were outside the biomedical engineering curriculum was very honestly my secret to new ideas and passion. No matter how tough we think our lives are, there is always someone who has to face challenges that are even tougher than ours. Taking classes like sociology and leveraging social networks gave me a fresh take on how I can make a sustainable difference as opposed to volunteering at one holiday event. As a Girl Scout for 13 years and active member of various service organizations, I have kept my promise of giving back to society. However, this year I want to give more. I want to start an initiative myself going off my Gold Award project that I was and am still passionate about in 2013 — autism awareness. With the connections I have made these past four years, with the new advances I have learned about in my courses, and with the passion to lead and serve my community, I am really excited in launching this idea sometime the first half of this year.

Love More.

If you can learn to love yourself and all the flaws, you can love other people so much better. And that makes you so happy. ~ Kristin Chenoweth

Enough said. Bringing more happiness and positivity to not only myself but to those around me is exactly what I will be doing starting now.

Smile More.

One smile can make all the difference in the world. One smile has the power to release stress, calm you down, make you attractive, make someone else happy, and can cause happiness. I want to continue smiling through ups and downs and see more positivity in any situation. After all, I do think smiling more is the way to mastering the art of positive thinking.

Spice 🌶

living life with a little spice // chole bhature

© AвнιAятѕ 2016

 

Jalebi Love

celebrating life with this bundle of sweetness and joy // homemade jalebis

Jalebi is an Arabian sweet that is famous for its distinct spiral shape. • Jalebi is typically served as a ‘celebration sweet’ in India. • The oldest reference of jalebi was cited in 13th century in a cookbook written by Muhammad Bin Hasan from Iran.

What’s your favorite sweet? 🙂

© AвнιAятѕ 2016

Medievalism in Atlanta

exploring medievalism in ATL // rhodes hall est. 1904

© AвнιAятѕ 2016

The Circle of Life

It’s the Circle of Life

And it moves us all

Through despair and hope

Through faith and love

Till we find our place

On the path unwinding

In the Circle

The Circle of Life

© AвнιAятѕ 2016