No, she is not a delicate flower or an intricate piece of glasswork that will get shattered or crushed so easily.
No, she will not continue to yearn for him after he bails on her.
Yet, no she is not completely immalleable either.
We all get influenced by others’ words (even worse — misleading verbal promises) and actions. Sometimes, it is just easier to let him go from your life rather than hold onto that friendship to make it work. It’s just not worth your effort and time.
So here it goes, my ex-friend.
To the guy who didn’t come down one set of stairs to talk to her in person especially when she asked to talk to him in person. The one time she said she needed him during her sad phase, he wasn’t by his side. Goodbye.
To the guy who has the worst mood swings and when confronted by them, turns the table on her and blames her for overthinking. Yes, he has a great sense of humor. And no, she doesn’t expect him to be peppy all the time. But, a single hello wouldn’t hurt during the car rides to work. Goodbye.
To the guy who treats her in such a fickle manner and she starts doubting how to behave with him and starts changing herself for him. Goodbye.
To the guy who was so much fun to be around with the first couple of months and brought so much positivity but now is the primary source of negativity and makes her overthink about unnecessary issues. Goodbye.
To the guy who never was on his phone when he was with her but now constantly on his phone. Goodbye.
To the guy who was definitely interested in her but now goes to her about another girl and tells her to not to be present every time the group of three hangs out. After all, it’s only the three of them in a new state away from their support system. And, he knows that. What can this girl do now? She’s used to it. Give her some time. But now, a complete goodbye.
To the guy who told her directly that he loved intelligent, passionate, career, and goal-oriented women like herself and said “that turns me on,” but goes for a girl with zero flame instead. Why? Was she too loud or “extra” for him? After all, he would only resort to the norm. So much for wanting to never conform to society and saying he’d be a stay at home dad for her career and goals if need be. Goodbye.
To the guy who talked about his family, showed her pictures of his entire life before they met, and initiated non-work related hang outs outside work to talk about society and life, but now only talks to her about work. Goodbye.
To the guy who lacks the passion to make a mark in society when she first saw in him the first time they met. Goodbye.
To the guy who spends unnecessary money on things but says he’s under a tight budget when she is planning a fun adventure for them. That definitely let her know of his priorities. Goodbye.
To the guy who asked to room with her in her future European adventures, made long eye contact with her even in a large group setting, visited her whenever he could at work, intrigued by things she said, remembered everything she said and did, and tried to dance on her multiple times at parties, but then called her his “co-worker” or sister when asked about their friendship. A major goodbye.
No, she didn’t want him to be her boyfriend. She was delighted to have a new best friend so soon in her new chapter of her life. Yes, she admired him more than a normal friend, but that was out of respect. Maybe it could have blossomed into love much (and seriously much) later on, but it was definitely not to get with him. After hanging out all the time to minimal interactions when it’s just the two of them makes a huge impact in her life.
Thank you Mr. X for showing her to never confide in anyone that quickly. Thank you Mr. X for giving her the initial fun interactions and positivity, but thank God she didn’t stick to the other side of you that now seems to be the permanent side when you are with her. She’s not sure what she did to make this happen, but man, she’d like to know to reverse this whole thing. There’s only so much she can hold onto before giving up with you. But, she is for sure done for now.
She tried giving you her best, and it wasn’t enough. But she’s fine with it now.
And, ultimately, thank you for giving her so much alone time back that now she is inspired to get back to blogging and to express her whirlpool of emotions through these very words. ❤
(As the reader, you may see many hypocrisies in my thinking in this piece, and I am very well aware of that. Just wanted to fully express my emotions rather than finding logic with them.)