Goodbye Friend.

It is just easier to let him go from your life rather than hold onto that friendship to make it work.

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No, she is not a delicate flower or an intricate piece of glasswork that will get shattered or crushed so easily.

No, she will not continue to yearn for him after he bails on her.

Yet, no she is not completely immalleable either.

We all get influenced by others’ words (even worse — misleading verbal promises) and actions. Sometimes, it is just easier to let him go from your life rather than hold onto that friendship to make it work. It’s just not worth your effort and time.

So here it goes, my ex-friend.

To the guy who didn’t come down one set of stairs to talk to her in person especially when she asked to talk to him in person. The one time she said she needed him during her sad phase, he wasn’t by his side. Goodbye.

To the guy who has the worst mood swings and when confronted by them, turns the table on her and blames her for overthinking. Yes, he has a great sense of humor. And no, she doesn’t expect him to be peppy all the time. But, a single hello wouldn’t hurt during the car rides to work. Goodbye.

To the guy who treats her in such a fickle manner and she starts doubting how to behave with him and starts changing herself for him. Goodbye.

To the guy who was so much fun to be around with the first couple of months and brought so much positivity but now is the primary source of negativity and makes her overthink about unnecessary issues. Goodbye.

To the guy who never was on his phone when he was with her but now constantly on his phone. Goodbye.

To the guy who was definitely interested in her but now goes to her about another girl and tells her to not to be present every time the group of three hangs out. After all, it’s only the three of them in a new state away from their support system. And, he knows that. What can this girl do now? She’s used to it. Give her some time. But now, a complete goodbye.

To the guy who told her directly that he loved intelligent, passionate, career, and goal-oriented women like herself and said “that turns me on,” but goes for a girl with zero flame instead. Why? Was she too loud or “extra” for him? After all, he would only resort to the norm. So much for wanting to never conform to society and saying he’d be a stay at home dad for her career and goals if need be. Goodbye.

To the guy who talked about his family, showed her pictures of his entire life before they met, and initiated non-work related hang outs outside work to talk about society and life, but now only talks to her about work. Goodbye.

To the guy who lacks the passion to make a mark in society when she first saw in him the first time they met. Goodbye.

To the guy who spends unnecessary money on things but says he’s under a tight budget when she is planning a fun adventure for them. That definitely let her know of his priorities. Goodbye.

To the guy who asked to room with her in her future European adventures, made long eye contact with her even in a large group setting, visited her whenever he could at work, intrigued by things she said, remembered everything she said and did, and tried to dance on her multiple times at parties, but then called her his “co-worker” or sister when asked about their friendship. A major goodbye.

No, she didn’t want him to be her boyfriend. She was delighted to have a new best friend so soon in her new chapter of her life. Yes, she admired him more than a normal friend, but that was out of respect. Maybe it could have blossomed into love much (and seriously much) later on, but it was definitely not to get with him. After hanging out all the time to minimal interactions when it’s just the two of them makes a huge impact in her life.

Thank you Mr. X for showing her to never confide in anyone that quickly. Thank you Mr. X for giving her the initial fun interactions and positivity, but thank God she didn’t stick to the other side of you that now seems to be the permanent side when you are with her. She’s not sure what she did to make this happen, but man, she’d like to know to reverse this whole thing. There’s only so much she can hold onto before giving up with you. But, she is for sure done for now.

She tried giving you her best, and it wasn’t enough. But she’s fine with it now.

And, ultimately, thank you for giving her so much alone time back that now she is inspired to get back to blogging and to express her whirlpool of emotions through these very words. ❤

(As the reader, you may see many hypocrisies in my thinking in this piece, and I am very well aware of that. Just wanted to fully express my emotions rather than finding logic with them.)

Goodbye College.

This is the place that made me lose sleep, but it is also the place that became home.

I feel like I have said “these past four years went by so quickly” close to a million times within the past few weeks, but honestly there are no other words to describe how insanely fast my college chapter has flown by. The people I met, the ones who stayed, the ones I did not get to keep, and even the ones that came back in the end to finish what they started.

My college has had such a huge impact on my life. This is the place that made me lose sleep, but it is also the place that became home. Some are good memories, and some are ones I probably wish never happened. Regardless of what has happened to me here, I will always love this place.

My college is where I met amazing people from all walks of life; all the stories I heard and the things they taught me. This is where roommates became best friends, and friends became family. This is the place where I have fallen in love at one point — either with my future goals or simply with my daily life here. This is the place where I slowly figured out what I want to do in life and to be accepting of change. After all, we are forever discovering ourselves. This is the place that showed me what I am capable of. This is the place that showed all of us a world outside of our hometowns — no matter how big or small they might be. This is the place that has become my home.

While I will miss the late night studying (more like cramming) and running to an early morning class, the hardest part might not be leaving this place or the academics, but leaving the people. My friends were there when I missed my family. My friends were there when I was going through a helluva stressful week. My friends were also there on the good days, celebrating small accomplishments, like doing well on a presentation, or the big accomplishments.

There are three primary organizations and the people I met through that who have made a positive mark on my life here on campus. I was really nervous about the thought of joining new organizations on campus and making my mark. All three of these organizations and the people have pushed me to achieve feats that I, four years ago, never thought I could possibly do. I’m eternally grateful to have met these people who convey new ideas and an open-mind. I’m grateful to have met these people who are patient and kind. I’m lucky to have grown with such genuine people. It’s hard to find those who truly mean what they say, but I was lucky to find them.

We’re all so different in personalities, majors, goals, and aspirations, but at the same time we are all so similar. We all have rough days. We all sing at the top of our lungs to throwback songs — even if my friends and I don’t harmonize one bit. We all miss our families — love you dad and ma. And, we all have disagreements — but there are no judgments abound. We’re all different but in the best way possible.

These last few months have been extremely busy. It feels like life is running on an hourglass. The anxiety has been real — trying to get in all the good memories, creating as many as you can before it is all over, and trying to do the things you have been wanting to do since freshmen year. I wish this did not have to end. I wish we all did not have to go our own separate ways. I wish I could just take all of my favorite people and places to my next chapter, but life moves on.

Once I get into my car Sunday afternoon and start to drive away, the final chapter of the life I made for four years will be closing. I will leave this place but I know I will always have the memories and photos to look back on, smiling to myself as I think of these days. But for now, before we leave, I wish I could slow down time, just to savor and cherish every last second before the last grain of sand falls and this chapter closes completely.

Written May 2, 2017 before my Bachelor’s Commencement on Saturday, May 6, 2017.

3 Life Lessons Being At College Has Taught Me

Thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught me both inside and outside the classroom, college.

“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.”

I am a firm believer of this saying. While I may not have graduated from college yet, these past three years have taught me innumerable lessons on life – all of which I will take forward in life. Not everything can be taught in a classroom. I remember in high school how it was a simple routine. Early morning dance practices. Classes. Extracurriculars. Homework. Sleep. That was my life five days of the week. I was used to this routine. I mean why wouldn’t I be? I was getting good grades and doing things I love – service, dance, and music. I was in this protected bubble and at my comfort zone. Little did I know how much this was going to change after stepping onto campus in the fall of 2013. Now after three years of being in college, while some of the routine has remained the same, the new independence, friends, lifestyle, and workload have taught me a lot more lessons. I have highlighted three of the many lessons that I believe has made me a better person.

1. Discovering Who I Really Am

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be yourself in a world that is trying to make you something else is a great accomplishment.” So a question such as “who am I?” really gives me the opportunity to differentiate and express who I really am and who I can be. While I seemed to know who I am for all those college applications senior year of high school, these past three years of self-discovery, the “fun course a semester idea,” spontaneous decisions, and new adventures have brought a new dimension to how I’d answer this question today. Through all of my successes, failures, and moving slowly, but surely out of my comfort zone, I’ve begun to recognize who I am and who I want to be. What I can really say is that I am progressing to make a brighter future for myself.

2. Discovering Who My Real Friends Are

Before coming to college, all I wanted was to get to meet everyone my year. Pretty ambitious, I know. But, to some extent, I made a lot of new friends freshmen year. Making friends for a lot of us comes naturally, but maintaining these friendships can become somewhat difficult.Little did I know that quality is so much more important than quantity — even in friendships. The simple truth is friends will come and go. And, that’s completely normal.

I’ve learned how to build trust within myself. I’ve learned how to let go of negativity, let go of the fake friends, and to stop worrying over people who aren’t doing you any good in life. It’s just not worth it.

I’ve quickly learned that true friendships are one of the most important things you can get out of life. At a place like my college, you need true friends to keep you sane, to keep you grounded, and to keep you motivated to chase your dreams. I have friends who are like family today. Without them, I can’t even imagine life to be the same. Without college, I would have never learned the value of true friendship and would have never gotten the courage to let go of those who aren’t true.

3. Discovering A Balance in Life

Achieving life balance was and is one of the largest challenges that we as college students face. After all, we have to juggle a wide variety of activities — from coursework to social life to extracurriculars — in addition to monitoring our mental and physical well-being. When I was a freshmen myself, I struggled to find that balance. There were many days I would go to class and then just chill with my friends. I’d start homework at 2AM and oftentimes, if lucky, get 3-4 hours of sleep. A couple days before midterms, I was frantically cramming for them. Sure, the classes were somewhat easier then, so it didn’t totally ruin my academic record. But, I knew I had to change my ways to balance sleep, academics, and friendship if I had to survive the rigor of the Biomedical Engineering curriculum.

Learning to say “no” was how I fixed this issue. You live for yourself. You can’t live your life doing what other people want you to do. It was hard at first, but keeping my goals and that balance in mind, it eventually worked out. College has given me a little glimpse into how to be better organized, balance fun and work, and put my priorities in order.

In May 2017, not only will I remember my college as four years of bliss, a symbol of complete freedom, and self discovery, it has also helped me develop essential life skills such as these three. Like Einstein’s words go, “the only source of knowledge is experience.” Thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught me both inside and outside the classroom, college.

© AвнιAятѕ 2016