Goodbye Friend.

It is just easier to let him go from your life rather than hold onto that friendship to make it work.

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No, she is not a delicate flower or an intricate piece of glasswork that will get shattered or crushed so easily.

No, she will not continue to yearn for him after he bails on her.

Yet, no she is not completely immalleable either.

We all get influenced by others’ words (even worse — misleading verbal promises) and actions. Sometimes, it is just easier to let him go from your life rather than hold onto that friendship to make it work. It’s just not worth your effort and time.

So here it goes, my ex-friend.

To the guy who didn’t come down one set of stairs to talk to her in person especially when she asked to talk to him in person. The one time she said she needed him during her sad phase, he wasn’t by his side. Goodbye.

To the guy who has the worst mood swings and when confronted by them, turns the table on her and blames her for overthinking. Yes, he has a great sense of humor. And no, she doesn’t expect him to be peppy all the time. But, a single hello wouldn’t hurt during the car rides to work. Goodbye.

To the guy who treats her in such a fickle manner and she starts doubting how to behave with him and starts changing herself for him. Goodbye.

To the guy who was so much fun to be around with the first couple of months and brought so much positivity but now is the primary source of negativity and makes her overthink about unnecessary issues. Goodbye.

To the guy who never was on his phone when he was with her but now constantly on his phone. Goodbye.

To the guy who was definitely interested in her but now goes to her about another girl and tells her to not to be present every time the group of three hangs out. After all, it’s only the three of them in a new state away from their support system. And, he knows that. What can this girl do now? She’s used to it. Give her some time. But now, a complete goodbye.

To the guy who told her directly that he loved intelligent, passionate, career, and goal-oriented women like herself and said “that turns me on,” but goes for a girl with zero flame instead. Why? Was she too loud or “extra” for him? After all, he would only resort to the norm. So much for wanting to never conform to society and saying he’d be a stay at home dad for her career and goals if need be. Goodbye.

To the guy who talked about his family, showed her pictures of his entire life before they met, and initiated non-work related hang outs outside work to talk about society and life, but now only talks to her about work. Goodbye.

To the guy who lacks the passion to make a mark in society when she first saw in him the first time they met. Goodbye.

To the guy who spends unnecessary money on things but says he’s under a tight budget when she is planning a fun adventure for them. That definitely let her know of his priorities. Goodbye.

To the guy who asked to room with her in her future European adventures, made long eye contact with her even in a large group setting, visited her whenever he could at work, intrigued by things she said, remembered everything she said and did, and tried to dance on her multiple times at parties, but then called her his “co-worker” or sister when asked about their friendship. A major goodbye.

No, she didn’t want him to be her boyfriend. She was delighted to have a new best friend so soon in her new chapter of her life. Yes, she admired him more than a normal friend, but that was out of respect. Maybe it could have blossomed into love much (and seriously much) later on, but it was definitely not to get with him. After hanging out all the time to minimal interactions when it’s just the two of them makes a huge impact in her life.

Thank you Mr. X for showing her to never confide in anyone that quickly. Thank you Mr. X for giving her the initial fun interactions and positivity, but thank God she didn’t stick to the other side of you that now seems to be the permanent side when you are with her. She’s not sure what she did to make this happen, but man, she’d like to know to reverse this whole thing. There’s only so much she can hold onto before giving up with you. But, she is for sure done for now.

She tried giving you her best, and it wasn’t enough. But she’s fine with it now.

And, ultimately, thank you for giving her so much alone time back that now she is inspired to get back to blogging and to express her whirlpool of emotions through these very words. ❤

(As the reader, you may see many hypocrisies in my thinking in this piece, and I am very well aware of that. Just wanted to fully express my emotions rather than finding logic with them.)

3 Life Lessons Being At College Has Taught Me

Thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught me both inside and outside the classroom, college.

“The difference between school and life? In school, you’re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you’re given a test that teaches you a lesson.”

I am a firm believer of this saying. While I may not have graduated from college yet, these past three years have taught me innumerable lessons on life – all of which I will take forward in life. Not everything can be taught in a classroom. I remember in high school how it was a simple routine. Early morning dance practices. Classes. Extracurriculars. Homework. Sleep. That was my life five days of the week. I was used to this routine. I mean why wouldn’t I be? I was getting good grades and doing things I love – service, dance, and music. I was in this protected bubble and at my comfort zone. Little did I know how much this was going to change after stepping onto campus in the fall of 2013. Now after three years of being in college, while some of the routine has remained the same, the new independence, friends, lifestyle, and workload have taught me a lot more lessons. I have highlighted three of the many lessons that I believe has made me a better person.

1. Discovering Who I Really Am

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be yourself in a world that is trying to make you something else is a great accomplishment.” So a question such as “who am I?” really gives me the opportunity to differentiate and express who I really am and who I can be. While I seemed to know who I am for all those college applications senior year of high school, these past three years of self-discovery, the “fun course a semester idea,” spontaneous decisions, and new adventures have brought a new dimension to how I’d answer this question today. Through all of my successes, failures, and moving slowly, but surely out of my comfort zone, I’ve begun to recognize who I am and who I want to be. What I can really say is that I am progressing to make a brighter future for myself.

2. Discovering Who My Real Friends Are

Before coming to college, all I wanted was to get to meet everyone my year. Pretty ambitious, I know. But, to some extent, I made a lot of new friends freshmen year. Making friends for a lot of us comes naturally, but maintaining these friendships can become somewhat difficult.Little did I know that quality is so much more important than quantity — even in friendships. The simple truth is friends will come and go. And, that’s completely normal.

I’ve learned how to build trust within myself. I’ve learned how to let go of negativity, let go of the fake friends, and to stop worrying over people who aren’t doing you any good in life. It’s just not worth it.

I’ve quickly learned that true friendships are one of the most important things you can get out of life. At a place like my college, you need true friends to keep you sane, to keep you grounded, and to keep you motivated to chase your dreams. I have friends who are like family today. Without them, I can’t even imagine life to be the same. Without college, I would have never learned the value of true friendship and would have never gotten the courage to let go of those who aren’t true.

3. Discovering A Balance in Life

Achieving life balance was and is one of the largest challenges that we as college students face. After all, we have to juggle a wide variety of activities — from coursework to social life to extracurriculars — in addition to monitoring our mental and physical well-being. When I was a freshmen myself, I struggled to find that balance. There were many days I would go to class and then just chill with my friends. I’d start homework at 2AM and oftentimes, if lucky, get 3-4 hours of sleep. A couple days before midterms, I was frantically cramming for them. Sure, the classes were somewhat easier then, so it didn’t totally ruin my academic record. But, I knew I had to change my ways to balance sleep, academics, and friendship if I had to survive the rigor of the Biomedical Engineering curriculum.

Learning to say “no” was how I fixed this issue. You live for yourself. You can’t live your life doing what other people want you to do. It was hard at first, but keeping my goals and that balance in mind, it eventually worked out. College has given me a little glimpse into how to be better organized, balance fun and work, and put my priorities in order.

In May 2017, not only will I remember my college as four years of bliss, a symbol of complete freedom, and self discovery, it has also helped me develop essential life skills such as these three. Like Einstein’s words go, “the only source of knowledge is experience.” Thank you for all the lessons you’ve taught me both inside and outside the classroom, college.

© AвнιAятѕ 2016